The girl is the only one in the world

by feyted

DISCLAIMER: From ef ~ a tale of memories – by Shindou Chihiro

She found herself on an island when she began to understand things around her. There was a mansion on the island, which was connected to an old castle by a passageway. She did not know why for what purpose those structures, which completely seemed to be unfit in the environment, were built there. She did not need to know why. And besides, the girl never wondered why because she had been there before she realized.

There was a huge amount of preserved foods and daily necessities inside the warehouse of the castle. So she did not have to starve (although she was hungry until she realized these were edible). But she almost died several times because of sickness and injuries. In most cases, she almost got herself killed by eating either spoiled food or plants and inorganic things around her. She used the mansion as a residential area, and almost never set her foot in the old castle. There was no particular reason to draw line between the two structures. It was only a rational judgment that the old castle was unfit to her to live there. She had nothing to do. The island was small and one could go around it in half a day by foot. All she could see at the beach was the ocean, the sky, clouds and the horizon stretching as far as she could see in 360-degree view. That was everything the world offered.

There were tons of books which she couldn’t finish reading, even if she spent her whole life. They contained everything in this world. The stories written in the books were all about people. People cannot live alone. There were many books with that written in them. However, the girl was alone. She lived by herself. Laughing, crying, things that were previously of value, none of them were needed. They were finished. They were completed. The girl was the first average person in human history. The average of the statistics is exactly the same as the sum of herself. That’s why everything she does is correct. And at the same time, everything could be wrong.

The girl is the only one in the world. That made her the God of this world.

The girl began to paint. Books, musical instruments, pictures. Among those things, it was the tool that’s most likely to create a human. But it didn’t go well. She got tired of it many times. It didn’t matter anyway, even if she got tired of it. When the season changed, she had enough. She finished the painting before long. She found out that she was more suited for drawing realistic scenes. As long as she was able to draw something that looked like it, it was fine. Something that didn’t exist there. Drawing humans might be something hard to do. That’s what she thought.

One day, the girl tried to light a fire on the beach. Because there was an episode in a book about a person who lit a signal fire after being stranded on an island. A white line rose up to the deep, blue sky. She thought, ‘What’s this thing that’s just like a cloud ?”‘ and she put her face near it. Her eyes and throat hurt badly. She backed off in confusion and gazed at it from a distance. She understood that it was useless. Likewise, she began to understand one thing after another. She understood what ‘understanding’ meant.

She painted a human being. She painted a boy. So she decided to add a figure of a boy into paintings of landscapes she had painted. She put up those paintings in the same places where she painted them. There was not a single place on the island she did not paint. The girl was with the boy everywhere. It meant that the girl and the boy looked at each other every time she looked at the paintings. But the girl had no feeling of achievement. ‘Would it be a human ?’ she thought. No. This was the ‘painting of a human being.’. He did not move. He did not think. He was simply there. Lonely? Finally, she could ask herself by finding the word. She was not lonely.

The girl began to look at the painting a lot. When she stared at the boy in the painting she had a strange feeling. ‘Let’s marry.’ She somehow had that idea. In the books, there were an unusual number of stories relating to marriage. It was described as something important in people’s lives. She began to study the marriage system in detail. The girl married on the next day. She found a dress in the castle. She pretended to ask herself, ‘Do you vow to marry?’ in her mind, and she pretended to answer ‘Yes’. And then she kissed the boy in the painting. It tasted like oil. She threw the flowers that she picked as a bouquet. She prepared a bigger meal than usual. It was a party after all. But she had leftovers, because the dress was too tight around the hips. The girl tossed the bouquet, the dress, and the leftovers to the bottom of the dump site and went to sleep. And thus the wedding ceremony was over.

The girl started drawing self-portraits the day after the wedding ceremony. Even though she was married, there was no one except her in her world. That’s why she put herself into the paintings. The girl put herself into all the paintings. In that world beyond, the two of them were laughing together. Looking at herself in the paintings, she felt strange. The girl couldn’t really understand that feeling. She could not describe what it was. She could not find in a dictionary the definition of something she could not describe. Nevertheless, it continued to attract the girl’s interest.

Something mysterious happened. The two in those paintings had moved. The god looked inside the paintings. The two in the pictures seemed to be having fun, smiling at each other. But the paintings were blurred. The world itself appeared blurred. Why, the girl thought. A strange feeling developed inside her mind. She wondered why the paintings became blurred, even though she painted them so clearly. The two in the paintings were smiling at each other. That was what she felt. She repainted them. She repainted them over and over. But the results were exactly the same. She was at a loss. She began to be unsure of everything.

The girl is the only one in the world. That made her the God of this world.

So she thought she should make her world much cleaner. She burned all pictures. She set fire to the mansion and the old castle. Along with the structures, she burned all her memories.

Lastly, the God threw the trash, the only trash left in the world, out from the cliff.”